I was told this week by 2 people that I have something to prove. Coincidence? The Universe working it's wiley ways? Or something that I already knew but I needed to hear it out loud, from another source than my own head?
Either way..it hits home. And after I stop the tears I will tell you why.
Here goes...
When you grow up in a family that is pretty much borderline poverty you can choose to either sink or swim. My parents chose to swim and they taught us to do the same. You use the resources you have and regardless what life throws at you find find a way. Or you MAKE a way.
I was a lippy kid. I talked back, and I had my mouth washed out with soap a time or ten. I always had to have the last word (I still do, just ask my husband), I hated being told what to do, but loved it when I was asked kindly. I ran away from home when I was about 6 or 7. I still don't remember why...probably one of my sisters did something to piss me off. Haha!
I got a bigass stick (I could not possibly make this shit up), took one of my dad's handkerchiefs and tied it around the end and put some cookies, cheese and crackers in it and off I went, stick over my shoulder. (Because isn't that what everyone does when they run away?) I didn't go far...just across the road when there was some really tall grass to hide in, and I stayed there all day, til just about dark. Why? To prove a point that if you messed with me, I was clearly going to show you, oh yes!
Then I sauntered on home. My parents hugged me and cried and then as per the usual back in the day, I got the belt across the arse and got sent to my bedroom for a solid week.
We lived a pretty thrifty, sparse life across the board. There were not frivolous things in our household, and if we wanted something we had to grow it, hunt it, or earn the money to buy it ourselves. Do you know how many macrame plant holders I made one summer and went door to door selling so I could have enough money to buy a subscription to a makeup-kit-of-the-month? I walked for miles with my bag of freakin' plant holders and hoped someone else would see the beauty & care I put into them enough to want to buy one. I also remember the very smell of said make up kit when it arrived in my mailbox. Move over IPSY..this was the original mail order make up kit. Little did I know at the time, but that was the smell of really cheap products, but to me, that was heaven!
My parents had so little, but every single week for as long as I remembered, my mom and dad would pack up a cardboard box full of homemade cookies, bread, preserves and meat and gave it to someone who had even less than what we had. Funny thing, at the time I didn't think we were poor, just that we were not rich.
As I grew up, and got married, still, there was not much money. We lived in a little house that was a cheap bank repossession we got for almost nothing. There were huge holes in the walls, it smelled nasty, the property was virtual hayfield, and we lived without kitchen cupboards for many years. We ripped that house apart and worked on putting it back together and yes it took years because we didn't have money to do much at a time. I also knew how mocked we were in our community because we were not the "Joneses". It hurt, and those things stick with you for a long time. I wish I had been doing Personal Development back then...I could have gotten over that way faster! We were resourceful and creative and we both learned to hone our reno skills and for me it later on became a thriving business. And that little house had so many amazing memories.
My husband worked away, I worked 3 jobs at any given time for many years to make ends meet. I did the shittiest of things that you will ever envision having to do. I also did some of the most incredible things I have ever done in my life too, on the other hand. Because of that some of my now best friends exist.
"Necessity is the mother of invention". This was our life. From childhood, til even now.
They don't call me MacGyver for nothing. I was the female Richard Dean Anderson and yes, that still makes me happy.
Because of this I have made it through some of the most trying times, Scott & I have provided for our family when there didn't seem like much hope to survive existed. I manifested some pretty incredible things in my life that lying down and giving up would have never brought me. I taught my children to fight for what they want and what they believe in. And to be grateful for the journey.
So when I say that yes, I have something to prove...I DO. I am proving to myself, mostly that I can make the decision daily to let life kick my ass or I can get up, and when my feet hit the floor every day, I can choose my own path and my own life. Because I CAN. I get to decide how my life turns out and as much as the whole "what you project, you get back" thing sounds hokey...it is SO NOT!
It is solid. Truth.
I spent the last hour crying my eyes out (happy tears), rehashing all the things in my life that I thought at the time was life handing me lemons. But in fact, it was just the opposite. Every one of these things made me who I am, makes me get up with an intense fire every day to make life different for me and everyone around me. It serves as my fuel and keeps me fighting for all things good and wonderful that I once thought I was not deserving of.
The mind is indeed the MOST incredibly powerful muscle you will ever use. And there are things you learn that all the money in the world will never teach you. And for the record, I wouldn't change a thing.
